Rising textbook prices counteracts free tuition

Gov. Andrew Cuomo recently proposed a free tuition plan that would provide free tuition to public universities for students who come from incomes of under $125,000. Unfortunately, this plan will have little to no effect on student debt due to the rising prices of textbooks.

Cuomo’s free tuition plan may provide a way for students to access higher education for free, but the inevitable increase in students at public universities during the years has caused textbook prices to surge in accommodation. Instead of costing hundreds of dollars per book, textbooks range in the thousands of dollars.

Geneseo’s add-drop period ended on Jan. 23, a day similar to the purge. Students were robbed of their final chance at freedom from buying textbooks—now students must buy those books whether they want to pay for them or not.

It has long been an issue for students to accomplish this task, and this semester seems to be even worse for some. 

“I am here completely on financial aid and I still can’t pay for my textbooks,” English major sophomore Ima Broke said. “I got here on a full ride, but when I have to pay $1000 per textbook, it’s almost not worth it.” 

Due to her financial situation, Broke qualifies for Governor Cuomo’s free tuition initiative. 

“Governor Cuomo’s initiative will allow me to attend Geneseo with my tuition covered for four years straight,” Broke said. “But when I have to buy textbooks, I basically have to pay that same amount. My parents have had to mortgage our house to pay for my textbooks, and my younger brothers have yet to even enroll.”

Not all students, however, fall under the $125,000 salary capacity. In addition to paying regular price for their tuition, they must pay thousands of dollars for their textbooks. Some students—like biology major junior Will Barter—turn to more taboo means for their textbook payments.

“I had always been interested in getting involved in the black market,” Barter said. “Last semester I sold my car and worked 60 hours a week to pay for textbooks, so I figured it was time for something new.”

Barter has been an active black market merchant since January, dealing exclusively in the trade of human organs.

“As a biology major, it has really helped me learn more about how the human body works,” Barter said. “I have gained the experience of holding a human heart in my hands. I’ve dealt with livers. I’m really happy that I was given this opportunity, and I advise everyone to do it whenever they get the chance. After all, it’s not like textbook prices are going down anytime soon.”

The Registration Games

It’s that time of year again: registration time. During this period, students vie for spots in classes, doing their best to create their ideal schedules. This semester, however, the good folks at KnightWeb have adopted a much more unorthodox system of class registration.

“We know that our class registration process has never been perfect,” Director of Research and Development at KnightWeb Robert McIver said. “And after a lot of brainstorming and planning, we are happy to unveil our revolutionary new method to register for classes: the Everdeen Enrollment Process.”

The idea behind the process is very simple: all students who want to register for a class are put in an arena and then have to fight for their right to take the course. Weapons will be provided, along with sponsors and their respective gifts.

“The most common issue when registering for classes that we have found is that more people want to take the class than there are seats available,” McIver said. “But, through the Everdeen Enrollment Process, we can really cut down on those numbers and lessen the headaches that we at KnightWeb have to deal with when going through registration.”

Of course, there is also a domino effect caused by this program. With fewer students taking classes, there will be fewer people to combat each other, making fighters a sought-after commodity.

The college can easily capitalize on this aftereffect by instituting a gambling program to go in tandem with the fights. Any student who wishes to bet may wager a portion of their tuition on the likelihood of his or her candidate making it into the class. This will help to galvanize the entire campus in getting involved with the process. After all, those who entered would have a chance to forego some of their college payments.

Some people may wonder about the legality of this new method of registration, but McIver has assured Geneseo that all parts of the process are completely within the college’s legal rights.

“There is a little known clause in the SUNY Geneseo constitution that grants KnightWeb complete, unchecked authority when faced with a crisis of registration,” McIver said. “We plan to use this capability to restore order to the process and to make Geneseo into the great college we know that it can be.”

No real structure to the way in which students will be placed into the arena exists. They simply must be willing to kill for their spot in the class.

“We believe that this will be instrumental in preparing our students for life after college,” Head Chairwoman of the Student Registration Committee Josephine Davidson said. “In the world after college, you never know what is going to come your way. One day, you might be working in a cubicle and the next you may be competing with others for a promotion. In those types of scenarios, you need to prove that you are worthy of what you are fighting for, and that’s what this registration process aims to train students for.”

The first round of battles will be held on the College Green on Wednesday Nov. 9. There will be food and drinks for sale and bleachers will be erected for the event. There will be 400 students engaged in combat for the 200 spots in BIO 101 at 8:30 a.m.

Let’s get ready to rumble.

Eleven students leave convention early, face punishments

The department of languages and literature held the annual Jailbreak for Literature Convention with the nearby Livingston County Jail on Sept. 10. For the last 10 years, this department has taken the second Saturday of September to go to the local correctional facility to introduce the inmates to pieces of powerful literature. The students receive extra credit for their participation in the event, and it has proved to be an incredibly beneficial program that has helped numerous members of the inmate body to rehabilitate themselves.

The dean of the department of languages and literature started this program in 2006 as a way for the university to give back to the community. The program has successfully helped over 100 inmates gain knowledge through reading followed by a discussion with the students.

This year, however, the reputation of the convention was sullied. Due to the amount of extra credit offered for this event, hundreds of students showed up. Eleven of these students signed up for the convention, showed up and then left before the event concluded. They abandoned the task they had taken upon themselves.

One of the eleven students—who asked to remain anonymous—explained that they went for the extra credit, but after they were told there wasn’t enough space for the eleven of them and that they wouldn’t receive credit, they decided to leave.

The dean wasted no time in dispensing her swift and righteous judgment upon the perpetrators. The 11 students in question have already been penalized and placed on probation in response to their abhorrent actions. The student will have a list of tasks to complete to put themselves back in the good graces of the dean.

One task requires the students to write an entirely original story about a character who is justly punished for their arrogance. The story may be no fewer pages than an unabridged copy of War and Peace, and will be due by the end of the semester.

Additionally, the 11 students must spend a week in the Livingston County Jail so that they can experience firsthand the environment of the inmates. Furthermore, the 11 guilty students must stand out on the College Green for a duration of three hours, wearing only their underwear and holding signs that read, “I AM GUILTY OF LEAVING THE JAILBREAK FOR LITERATURE CONVENTION EARLY.” Finally, yet most importantly, the students must each prostrate themselves before the dean and grovel for their right to remain enrolled in the department of languages and literature.

Here at Geneseo, students are taught to act with integrity and honesty. Hopefully this will discourage any future trespasses against the Jailbreak for Literature Convention.