Like everything else in our world, the concept as to what makes sex “good” for a person is largely socially constructed. Such social constructions tend to manifest around the genitals themselves, and Western society has laid out a clear set of expectations for them. In particular, Westerners concern themselves with the tightness of one’s vagina and the size of one’s penis. We have been taught that these characteristics are more than just physical—they can decide one’s worth as a human being. Consequently, these learned beliefs translate into our actions when choosing a partner.
Genitals supposedly say a lot about the personality of the person that they belong to. A larger penis, in the eyes of Western society, makes a person manlier, therefore making them more desirable. This idea is so prevalent that penis size was temporarily a focal point during the United States’ presidential candidacy debates.
In contrast, the concept of a tighter vagina being a sign of virginity makes a person more “pure.” “Manly” and “pure,” not surprisingly, correlate to the gender roles our society values in men and women.
From these beliefs rise gender disparities. Men and women alike believe that people who have “slept around” will have looser vaginas; subsequently, women who have had many partners face shame for it.
In reality, however, there are naturally looser vaginas and it is scientifically impossible for a vagina to become looser from having a lot of sex. The social consequence for having a “loose vagina” is not the same as those for having a small penis. People with small penises are often made out to be not “manly” enough for a woman.
Much more defense for smaller penises, however, exists than for inelastic vaginas. The term “size isn’t everything” is almost inseparable from our culture as a sexual defense and an innuendo. Furthermore, girls are commonly discouraged from judging men on size alone. After all, as society tends to cry, men have more to offer to women than just the size of their genitals.
Why this courtesy isn’t extended to women is directly correlated with sexism. Fortunately, however, it’s possible to stop perpetuating the “loose vagina” myth. Even just gently correcting your friends if they believe this can end the myth one step at a time.
No matter the characteristics of your partners’ genitals, that shouldn’t be what determines your enjoyment of sex. Take the time to research any preconceived notions you have about sex—you might be surprised what you discover.