There’s a whole world of goodies and treats out there, each with their own merits and benefits that appeal to different folks and different taste pallets and that’s all well and good, but they’re all competing for second place because cookies are king. I don’t make the rules, I’m just here to break the news: cookies are the supreme dessert.
It’s already obvious that some of you will take grievance with this, positing that chips or crackers and the like are superior since they are salty and not everyone enjoys sweets. I’m arguing for the supreme dessert, however, which I believe implicitly refers to treats that are sweet, so you can take your salty crackers and whatever weird flavor of Doritos you prefer and go enjoy snack time elsewhere—this is a dessert-only argument.
Cookies feature a range of flavors, portability and a visually appealing design that cannot be replicated anywhere else across the dessert landscape. Additionally, cookies are more adaptable than any other sweet treat currently available to our hungry bellies. Sure, you can fill pies with pretty much anything, and sure, cakes have an impressive range of flavors as well, but those options pale in comparison to the overwhelming potential inherent in the humble cookie.
Craving some apple pie? The Pillsbury website has you covered with a recipe for caramel apple pie cookies. Want something with a more cake-like texture? Allrecipes has the answer; they have multiple options for different types of cookies made from cake batter. These cookies would also be more portable, less messy and more convenient to consume than the different types of desserts that inspire them—it’s a win-win.
This logic works in reverse as well. Not only can you turn lesser desserts into cookies, but you can also substitute cookies for other treats outright, too. Personally, I haven’t had any cake other than one of the cookie variety since my seventh birthday. I haven’t looked back once, as the medium through which I celebrate has been easily customizable to suit my changing tastes throughout the years and is obviously better than bland, traditional birthday cakes. Keep your buttercream frosting away from me, or, alternatively, put it on or between some yummy yummy cookies.
Peerless taste aside, cookies are also the most visually appealing dessert. While a plethora of cooking shows are dedicated to expensive, showy and artfully designed cakes, no amount of fondant or number of layers can compete with the simple, elegant cookie. The traditional circular shape of a simple chocolate chip cookie is symmetrical and visually pleasing, understated and perfect. Yet, if the occasion calls for something more extravagant, cookies can be cut into a variety of shapes and decorated with a wealth of frostings or confections to suit any given set of needs.
As a result, cookies enhance everything that is seen holding them. A hot topic in pop culture right now is baby Yoda, the adorable, perfect angel featured in the show “The Mandalorian” on Disney+. Consider the sweet baby. Now consider how symmetrical and visually appealing cookies are: imagine how much cuter baby Yoda would be with a nice, round chocolate chip cookie in his little claws. The same logic applies elsewhere too: puppies eating cookies (with no chocolate, of course) would be infinitely more adorable than your standard pup. If you’re looking to beef up your Tinder profile, consider adding a pic with a cookie—sexy, yet understated enough to not show up your beautiful mug.
This article is not meant to decry other desserts, they all have the potential to be wonderful and have places where they shine. I simply mean to put an end to the misconception that these other treats can even hold a candle to the mighty cookie—there’s no contest. Cookies are the best dessert.
Cal Hoag is a communication senior self-proclaimed cookie monster.