When I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder six years ago, I never expected to deal with so many people telling me how I should feel about having anxiety. As soon as I broach the topic with people there is an immediate onslaught of “but that’s not who you are” and “but you could do therapy and it’ll go away.” Each of these statements are incredibly incorrect.
My anxiety will never go away. There is no cure or magic pill that will make me better. My anxiety is a part of who I am, and it is wrong to tell me that I am not allowed to say that— it is a part of my personality and has been my whole life. While I didn’t choose this, I wouldn’t change it because it helped make me the person I am today.
For some reason, it is seen as wrong to let your mental illness be a part of you in our society. This is nonsensical to me; how could my anxiety not be a part of my personality? It’s my anxiety, it is personal to me and it affects how I think and act on a daily basis. I believe this comes from the negative stigma around mental illness.
While living with generalized anxiety disorder can be really tough, especially in an academic setting, it also has its positives— which is something people neglect. I know it seems impossible, but living with anxiety has taught me a lot, mostly about how to treat other people. Having an invisible illness teaches you to treat others with the understanding that you never know what someone else is dealing with, and I think that’s exceedingly valuable in today’s world.
I try to treat each and every person in my life with dignity and care because I know what it’s like to be judged for something I can’t always control and that not everyone understands. While I have excessive worries, they’re often about the people I care about most which makes me more active and engaged in these relationships, because I need to know those I care about are okay and that I’m doing everything I can to ensure this.
A study conducted by Lindsay Knight, a Ph.D. Candidate in Translational wNeuroscience at the University of Louisville, and her team has actually found that having chronic anxiety may correlate with increased empathetic capabilities. They explain that “higher general anxiety may translate into increased concern for others, or concern for how one’s actions might affect others, and therefore may be linked to increased empathy. Furthermore, self-reflection is positively related to perspective-taking and empathic concern, while rumination is closely tied to anxiety, thus providing an additional connecting point between empathy and anxiety through enhanced internally generated thought.”
Is my anxiety problematic at times? Yes, of course it is. It can always be problematic to overthink things. Although, I’m happiest when my “what if” thoughts are focusing on trying to improve other people’s days instead of worrying about my grades or the Trump presidency (yeesh that one does come up a lot, though).
My anxiety is part of me, both its positive and negative aspects. Some days I hate the way it makes me feel and wish it were gone, but other days I remember it makes me a more empathetic individual in a world in need of people caring about each other, and that makes the bad days worth it.
So, before you sit there and tell me “you’re not your anxiety” or some nonsense of the sort, remember that I am and I’ve learned to be proud of it; it’s just not all that I am.
Kara Burke is a very anxious international relations and communication double major junior!