Clementines- The ultimate street fighting weapon.
Floyd Mayweather is known as one of the best boxers of all time, with many seeking to fight him for publicity. I am challenging Mayweather to a street fight for different reasons though; I truly believe I can win.
It’s important to note that I am challenging him to a street fight, not boxing. I would 100 percent lose to Mayweather in a boxing match as I don’t know how to box, and he truly is one of the best. A street fight, however, is defined as a fight where “anything goes” according to Urban Dictionary, which means I can use unconventional tactics to win.
The first resource I have is extensive knowledge of Guerilla warfare tactics because I am an international relations major studying war and peace. I am going to use my environment against Mayweather. I will lure him into a forest and use his age against him, as the older you get the more flexibility you lose, so it would be quite hard for him to climb and maneuver in a forest.
I then plan to use Mayweather’s temper against him, as he’s been charged with assault in the past. Mayweather has also said he fights poorly when angry. Thus, I will begin flinging clementines at him to annoy him. I will alternate this with spraying him with glue since that will add to his frustration when things begin to stick to him in the forest.
I will follow this up with Home Alone-style booby traps. I will set up pie catapults to be flung at Mayweather, as well as tripwires that will trigger loud noises to scare him into running toward a camouflaged net. Mayweather will then step on the net trap, enclosing him, incapacitating him and allowing me to win the street fight.
Now you may be asking, but why wouldn’t Mayweather come more prepared? Well, that’s because he’s incredibly overconfident from winning so many fights, so he’ll think there’s no way he loses to a 22-year-old woman with back arthritis. I’m going to play into that and then unleash my killer plan.
Now there’s the fair argument that Mayweather could possibly catch me during all of this. He is most definitely stronger than me, but he’s never seen my greatest defense: the wiggle maneuver.
The wiggle maneuver is when if someone grabs you, you just wiggle your entire body so aggressively they cannot hold on. I have become an expert at this after years of self-defense practice. At this point, Mayweather would drop me, and I’d be in close range for eye-gouging, another useful self-defense trick. At that point, he’d have no choice but to surrender.
I clearly have the wits and the planning skills to outsmart Mayweather in a street fight and am up to the challenge. Sadly, I cannot afford his million-dollar fight fees, so it will always be a pipe dream.