Exploring different “spots”

The G-Spot—besides being the pun-intended name of this section—is a rather misunderstood spot. Some research even suggests that it isn’t real. Matters only get more complicated when taking other “spots” into consideration, such as the P spot, which far less people are knowledgeable on the existence of.

Besides its designation as the female “spot” of pleasure, many people are unaware of how to access and activate the G spot. Being the most well-known pleasure area does not make the G spot any more “basic.” In fact, finding and pleasing a part of the body that might not even exist makes the pursuit of the G spot even more mysterious. 

Named after German gynecologist Ernst Gräfenberg—whose research in 1940s led to its “discovery”—the G spot is supposedly a location about two inches within in the vagina. When activated, it will swell slightly and result in pleasurable stimulation that might lead to an orgasm. While location differs from person to person, it is usually found around the clitourethrovaginal complex—a fancy word describing the zone where the vagina, urethra and clitoris join.

If there is documentation of where this spot lies, however, why is there debate over its existence? Mainly, doubt arises from the fact that many G spot studies focus on anecdotal evidence. 

While studies have in fact “proven” its existence, these studies usually rely on small participant pools. A 2009 King’s College London study found that twins did not report having a G spot in the same location as their sibling, further casting reservations. 

If you’d like to add your voice to the debate—in the name of science, of course—it’s said that lying on your back and sticking two clean fingers—whether your own or your partner’s—about two inches into the vagina in a “come here” position will help determine its location. Then push against the vaginal wall with firm pressure. Due to its location near the bladder, you might feel like you have to urinate when it’s pushed against. 

Not everyone derives sexual pleasure from their G spot being touched, however, but that’s OK—there are other spots to explore. 

For people with penises, the P spot, or prostate, is the penile equivalent of the G spot. It is even situated in around the same area as the G spot—around the pelvis and near the bladder. 

The similar placements of the P spot and G spot have led to some theories that the G spot develops into the prostrate in utero. These theories are based off the interesting biological fact that all fetuses start off with vaginas, which develop into penises with the presence of XY chromosomes. 

Unlike the G spot, there tends to be less debate about the P spot’s existence, though; like the G spot, not everyone will find its stimulation pleasurable. 

It can be activated by inserting a finger one to two inches in the anus, or touching the perineum, which is the skin between the testicles and anus. Butt plugs are specially designed for this, but be sure to instruct yourself on how to properly use them before experimenting; this includes how your toy needs to be cleaned, handled and so on. 

Exploration of your body is empowering. Explore vastly, but explore safely.

Maintaining a sex life while dealing with a serious illness

Having a serious illness can affect everything in your life, from walking up stairs to getting to class. One thing people rarely consider regarding serious illnesses, however, is its impact on a person’s sexual experiences. 

Things like chronic spinal cord injuries and cancer can change everything about a person’s sex life, and—in some cases—even eliminate it. Craig Hospital illustrates many of the issues and solutions faced by people with chronic spinal cord injuries on their Sexual Function page. 

For men, major issues are erection and ejaculation. Getting and maintaining an erection becomes very difficult because many of the neurons involved are found at the base of the spine. 

Using psychological foreplay, however, can help in getting an erection, according to Craig Hospital. They explain that touching parts of the body that still maintain the feeling of pressure can help men to get an erection. It is important for patients to monitor what sensations during the day can give them a reflexive erection as well, as this can be later used in sexual intercourse. 

Women have a different set of concerns when dealing with chronic spinal cord injuries, addressed by the United Spinal Association on their research page. Women can have a difficult time having pleasurable sex after an accident due to the decreased nerve sensation in their genitals. 

With less feeling, it may be difficult to become aroused, so it is vital for sexual partners to build up sex with flirting and foreplay. Using lubricant is a must as well, as women also tend to lose the ability to lubricate their vaginal canal naturally because of the loss of nerve function.  

Cancer also has a severe impact on sexual activity. Treatments for cancer often leave people too tired to engage in intercourse, according to Cancer Research UK. While a person’s sexual appetite may remain unaffected, the treatments can cause pain, exhaustion and depression. 

Cancer Research UK recommends finding intimacy in other ways. There are many creative ways to be close with your partner, writer Samantha Burns explains. She recommends taking a nightly walk with your partner around the block, cooking dinner together, lying in bed and talking or sitting on a blanket together in a park. 

Because of the psychological changes that a chronic or severe illness can bring, sex may be the last thing on the sufferer’s mind—that’s why keeping a close relationship alive in other ways is so critical. While sex itself may be off the table, intimacy doesn’t necessarily have to be. 

 Of course, the added burden of lowered self-esteem likely comes with both conditions. Weight loss and hair loss from cancer can leave a person reeling; additionally, the sudden impact of a chronic spinal injury can potentially lower the sufferer’s self-worth. 

To deal with lowered self-esteem, blogger Stacy Simon suggests having clothes altered to fit, cutting hair short or purchasing a wig and maintaining regular grooming habits, despite the changes. This, she writes, will keep your self-image intact. 

As for those with chronic spinal injuries, similar rules apply. It helps to keep up old routines, to enjoy activities such as sports and hanging out with friends and to keep providing reminders that you are still the same person you were before your injury.

Having a chronic illness can cause self-esteem, physical barriers and medical issues—which consequently create roadblocks to a healthy sex life. With help from your partner, from physical techniques and from positive self-esteem, however, it is still possible to have an intimate, loving relationship.

Flaws in America’s sex education system

Most students who have gone through American sex education are at least vaguely aware of its massive shortcomings. Between potentially uncaring and inattentive instructors, often incomplete—or flat out false—information and scare tactics, almost every student has a story about the incompetency of their local school’s sex education program. 

But the largescale reality is often much more horrifying: many American teenagers do not receive a comprehensive sex education. The consequences of this lapse in education—whether the result of religious, moral or societal beliefs—may determine America’s future demographic landscape. Stories about poor sex education become less funny when they determine our nation’s overall health.

While the classic “condom on banana” demonstration is regarded as more of a joke than as a legitimate educational tool, many American students are not lucky enough to even reach that point in their sexual education career. 

Only 50 percent of females and 58 percent of males receive formal education on how to properly use a condom, according to the Guttmacher Institute. Since a properly used condom—as in, a condom that is not expired and that is applied correctly—has a 98 percent chance of preventing pregnancy and can be used to avoid contracting STIs, the discrepancy in instruction raises alarms.

STIs are not the only cause for concern. The use of a condom is highly effective in preventing AIDS, according to research by AIDS.gov—but those odds drastically increase in probability with unprotected sex.

If schools do not teach their students how to properly protect themselves during sex with condoms, what methods do they suggest? In 2014, only 72 percent of public and private high schools taught pregnancy prevention as a part of their health courses, according to the Guttmacher Institute. Further research by Guttmacher revealed that of that amount, 76 percent taught abstinence as the most effective method against pregnancy. 

While physically true, this ignores the reality that students might explore their sexuality regardless of what their instructors tell them, thus putting them in a situation where they might not be able to protect themselves. After all, if a student is convinced that they will stay chaste, but then change their mind in a moment of sexual interaction, they will most likely not have a condom with them. 

Only 61 percent of high schools teach about contraceptive efficiency and only 35 percent require condom instruction, according to Guttmacher Institute research. 

Even the most effective of sexual education programs can be undermined by parental interference. Guttmacher estimates that 88 percent of schools that teach sex education allow parents to withdraw their students from the programs. 

While the parent’s gesture might be well-meaning in nature, it might withdraw the student from resources that are more reliable or up-to-date than what their parent can give them. 

Why does any of this matter to the average college student? The days of standardized sex education are behind us—but it’s important to recognize the gaps that might have been present in our own education. By learning about the shortcomings of the American sex education system at large, we can adjust our own misunderstandings about sex and be sure to properly educate the next generation.

PornHub provides inclusive sexual education

The majority of visitors on PornHub visit the site for a single reason—as offered to them at the click of a button. But as of late January, more of these visits to the Internet’s largest adult entertainment conglomerate may have an educational purpose in mind.

The “PornHub Sexual Wellness Center” officially went live on Jan. 31. Instead of pizza delivery men and pool boys, the site offers informative articles on topics ranging from reproductive health to sexuality to the physical body.

These articles are not just opinion pieces—each article has been researched and written by a team of doctors, therapists and sexologists. The site itself is directed under popular sexologist Dr. Laurie Betito, who runs her own private practice, hosts a sex-oriented radio show and has made several news appearances to talk about sex.

“[It] is an opportunity to reach a global audience and provide a source for healthy sexual education and dialogue,” Betito said. 

While the site may sound like a joke, it has established itself as anything but. Articles on the site are written to be inclusive of many different types of relationships, counteracting the largely heteronormative, religious and social morality-based sexual education in the United States. 

Gay, lesbian and transgender relationships are given the same intensive research and discussion that heterosexual ones are, as are ones that challenge the traditional views of monogamy. Thus, PornHub’s new site offers arguably one of the most inclusive sexual educations. 

The new site seems more critical now than ever, with users from the U.S. driving about 40 percent of the site’s visits, according to PornHub’s “2016 Year in Review.” Statistics surrounding the state of sexual education in the U.S. are daunting. 

Forty-three percent of teenage males and 53 percent of teenage females who are sexually active do not receive “formal instruction” on using contraception before they have sex, according to studies by the Guttmacher Institute. Even fewer of them—31 percent males, 46 percent females—learn where to obtain contraception. Regarding the origin of this lack of knowledge, 88 percent of schools allow parents the option to withdraw their children from sex education entirely.  

The statistics for non-heterosexual and non-cisgender persons are equally dire. Studies by the Center for Disease Control have found higher trends of bacterial vaginitis, syphilis and other sexually transmitted infections among LGBTQ+ persons. A study from the McCreary Centre Society has revealed that bisexual and lesbian youth are two-seven times more likely to become pregnant as teenagers compared to their straight peers. 

Additionally, for transgender individuals undergoing hormone therapy, there are multiple complications that can occur. Taking testosterone puts people at risk of liver disease, especially if taken orally. Taking estrogen, on the other hand, puts users at risk of high blood pressure and blood clotting, according to the Vanderbilt Medical School. These issues, even if brief, are rarely discussed in sexual education settings across U.S. schools.

Sexual education is much more than just physical health. In health classes, sexual education can be broadened to simply understanding persons of different orientations, which could potentially help bullied youth.  

PornHub’s site may not fix the entirety of America’s sexual education crisis, but it provides a step in the right direction.

Protecting yourself from sexually transmitted diseases

Despite the title of our playlist, the test would come back positive for almost 10 million students between the ages of 15 and 24. Sexually transmitted diseases are on the rise at college campuses, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, with students contracting them at double the rate of any other age group. 

Several causes may be responsible for the rise, including a decline in the use of condoms, an increase in the use of dating apps for casual sex and poor sexual education classes. 

There’s no need to fear, however, as there are many easy ways to decrease your risk for getting an STD.

While most STDs are curable, leaving one untreated for too long could become permanent or could have adverse effects on your health later in life. That’s why students—or anyone for that matter—shouldn’t be afraid to get tested. Talk with your partner about your sexual histories and ask that both of you be tested to be sure you’re STD and STI free. 

Many STDs have no visible symptoms and can spread without your knowledge. There’s only one way to be sure, so head to Lauderdale Health Center. It provides a free reproductive health clinic on Mondays and Thursdays from 9 p.m. to 5 p.m. where you can make sure you’re being responsible about your sexual health. 

With that in mind, keep an eye out for symptoms of common STDs. Chlamydia, gonorrhea and trichomoniasis can all cause visible symptoms. 

For example, chlamydia—which is a bacterial infection of the genital tract—can cause pain during urination, abdominal cramps, discharge, bleeding between periods and testicular pain. Despite these symptoms, chlamydia is easy to cure. A short course of antibiotics and remaining abstinent for a week to prevent transmission does the trick. 

Gonorrhea is another bacterial infection of the genital tract, but it has slightly different symptoms. It can cause heavier periods, swollen testicles, a burning feeling when urinating and anal itching. It too can be cured with antibiotics, usually in a single dose of ceftriaxone and azithromycin. 

Trichomoniasis, the most common non-viral STI in the United Sates, often causes no symptoms at all. And when it does, they can arrive much later than infection, allowing the disease to spread to other partners. 

Symptoms of trichomoniasis typically include abnormal vaginal discharge, abnormal penis discharge, genital itching and irritation and pain during sex and urination. Trichomoniasis can be treated only with the nitroimidazoles, which is a class of antimicrobial drugs; with two cycles of the medicine, however, it can be cured. 

The best way to protect yourself is through safe sex with your partner. Communicate with your partner about their sexual history and get tested regularly. Use condoms, dental dams and rubber gloves to prevent the transmission of STDs through skin-to-skin contact. 

Taking birth control will prevent pregnancy, but it does not protect you from STDs and STIs. If you don’t know someone’s test results, wear a barrier device. 

With these strategies and the help of Lauderdale Health Services, Geneseo students can prevent and treat the rising trend of STDs. Whether it’s a casual hookup or a four-year relationship, get tested and make sure lines of communication are open with your partner. 

This way, you can have the fun of sex without the worry of STDs.

Tips for balancing a relationship, pledging

College is hectic and busy in its simplest form. It can be hard to juggle the responsibilities of one’s coursework along with one’s romantic endeavors—but when you throw rushing and pledging on top of that pile of obligations, it only serves to compound the problem.

Greek life is renowned for the difficulty of its new member education, which can really take a toll on a relationship. 

Speaking from personal experience, pledging can be a difficult process. You are burdened with a hefty task: learn about the history of your prospective Greek organization, form a close bond with your fellow pledges, overcome the challenges placed in front of you and—more than anything else—juggle that whilst still doing your best to achieve your academic and personal goals.

More than likely, there will be moments when your relationships suffer, as you are challenged to balance an introduction to Greek life, school, and extracurriculars. Perhaps you are painting the tree, going to pledge meetings or simply engaging in some ritual meant to foster a bond of brotherhood or sisterhood. 

These new priorities can happen at multiple points in any given day and, as such, they can obstruct prior plans to spend time with that special person in your life. Perhaps you and your significant other were planning a relaxing night of watching Netflix and eating pizza. Regardless, those plans are now second to your commitments to new member education. 

This may deter the relationship, but it is important to stress to your significant other that pledging is just a temporary obstacle that you can overcome in a variety of ways. 

Make sure to spend time together whenever you can. Get lunch together, help your partner study for their upcoming exams, provide a sounding board for their essay ideas and act as a counsel for their pledging anxieties. By tackling homework or engaging in useful conversation, time spent together can be productive—almost a guarantee to help keep a relationship healthy.

A surprise date can go a long way, too. If your partner is having a long week with class, pledging and everything else, surprise them with a relaxing activity. 

Show up to watch Netflix with them on a Thursday night or go up to Main Street for pizza and for perusing the shops. Maybe invite them over and have the candles lit with the Marvin Gaye playing—see where the night will take you two.

Above all else, a firm understanding and acceptance of your partner’s responsibilities beyond your relationship is crucial. So long as you care about them—and demonstrate it through your actions—you are bolstering your relationship and giving it the stability to last through the pledging process. 

The best relationships are built upon the little interactions that pile up to show you care for your partner. If you have shared those interpersonal moments, your relationship can easily survive the temporary roadblock that a bid to a fraternity or sorority might mean.

Connecting via dating apps on college campuses

Online dating has grown dramatically over the past few years —what was once a taboo form of meeting new people has quickly become a social norm among millennials. Using dating apps on college campuses like Geneseo, however, plays a different role in hookups than in regular cities or towns.

Through dating apps such as Tinder, Bumble or Grindr, people generally swipe right for someone they are interested in and left for someone they are not. If two people both swipe right for each other, they will form a match, giving them a chance to message one another. 

One of the biggest pros of dating apps is the elimination of rejection. When flirting in real life at a bar or a party, the fear of rejection is consistent among many. On dating apps however, the apps do not show people who have rejected, or swiped left—only people who have also swiped right. This aspect provides people with a “low stakes” dating life.  

Due to this new “low stakes” dating game and accessibility, many are prone to using dating apps. People on dating apps communicate strictly through virtual means before meeting face-to-face for the first time. “Modality switching” is the label used to describe the transition between online communication and offline interaction. This phenomenon makes the dating scene today completely unique from any other time in history since communicating via messaging creates a different dynamic than the one created through talking face-to-face. 

With 50 percent of all Tinder users being between the ages of 18 and 24, dating apps increase the amount of familiar faces seen on campus. Colleges are notorious for awkward bump-ins with past hookups. Many people share the awkward experience of seeing a Tinder match in person on their way to class or in Starbucks. When combining the aspects of proximity and the large number of users, one is bound to find at least a few people they know on their dating app of choice. 

But dating apps aren’t just for straight people. Dating apps specified for the LGBTQ+ community—such as Grindr—are incredibly important in helping these individuals make connections. Even though the dating pool for the LGBTQ+ community may be smaller than the dating pool for the heterosexual community, inclusivity is vital.

According to a survey from grabhim.net, nearly one in three homosexual males between the ages of 18-50 use Grindr. In a small school environment like Geneseo where many people in the LGBTQ+ community know one another, finding someone on Grindr can be a means to verifying people’s sexual preferences. 

While dating apps are helpful in meeting new people, there are always risks to meeting up with someone you have never met before. Using dating apps in college are generally less risky however, because you are more than likely to share a mutual friend with someone that you match with. This aspect diminishes the anxiety behind meeting a stranger on the Internet—it’s difficult to find someone in Geneseo with whom you have no mutual friends. That said, it is always important to be careful. 

Technology has increased the amount of connections people make on a daily basis, eliminated the fear of rejection and even created apps for women such as Bumble and LGBTQ+ people such as Grindr to feel more comfortable. 

But there are still aspects of the dating process that technology has not and cannot accommodate for. The awkwardness that occurs during the first date—whether you met online or in person—still exists and likely will never cease to exist. False expectations, too, are a risk that one takes when using a dating app as well as dating in person.

Females flock to athletes for social prestige

The objectification of women is a commonly known and widespread phenomenon in our culture and is frequently discussed in forums regarding current social issues. Oftentimes, however, we forget about the double standard of objectification. Males—particularly male athletes—are frequently subject to objectification by female fans.

This issue is relevant and pervasive here at Geneseo, especially in regard to varsity male athletes. At Geneseo, some women tend to act like groupies. Generally, there is not an outrage about this kind of behavior; or, at least not in the same way as there is about men doing the same to women, thus creating a double standard.

The idea of male sexualization cannot be discussed without talking about “Rainbow Lists,” which are lists created by sororities for their members where the goal is to sleep with one guy from each fraternity or organization on the list. 

Some of the most highly prized organizations on campus, however, remain the varsity sports teams. Hooking up with a varsity male athlete can carry a certain social weight. 

There are numerous reasons for this, one of these being that certain teams—such as the Ice Knights—are the face of the university, akin to football players acting as the face of other big schools. The social aspect of watching a hockey game with friends can contribute to the desire to hook up with someone playing in the rink.

“It’s the biggest sport we have,” communication major senior Caitlin Hamberger said. “It’s the one everyone goes to watch.” 

While male objectification is clearly prevalent on college campuses, less backlash exists against it. Part of this is due to the fact that the sexualization of male athletes has no effect on the perceptions of their playing ability, as found in a study done by social scientists at the College of William and Mary. This means that sexualizing a female athlete can cause people to degrade her playing abilities, while sexualizing a male athlete does not have the same effect.

The masculinity of varsity sports also may contribute to teams being sexually desirable and sought after. Varsity male swimmers and divers on Geneseo’s talented Blue Wave are notorious for chiseled physiques, varsity male soccer players maintain lean and muscular builds, and basketball players, well, “all girls love tall guys,” according to junior economics major Julia Chong. 

Many times, females will seek out star players that score the most points. Girls will start noticing a player the better he gets, according to an article on alligator.org. The possibility of sleeping with someone who could become a successful professional athlete—and the social prestige that comes with it—is an added attraction. 

As for hockey: “It’s an age thing,” junior English major Darby Daly said. “It’s how good they are at their sport, because you usually have to go away for hockey before you come play for Geneseo.” 

Maturity certainly plays into it, since most freshman hockey players come in at least a year or two older than the rest of the class.

It is important to consider the double standard behind sexualizing varsity male athletes when analyzing gender relations on the Geneseo campus. The culture behind male sexualization often relates to talent and success—but hooking up with an individual, athlete included, should be based on more than just varsity status. Instead, focus on intellect and charisma.

Alcohol prompts risky drunk dialing

Imagine it’s been a long night and you’ve got a couple of drinks in your stomach. Now you may start to think—think about that one person who gets to you, be it in an amorous or antagonistic fashion, and you realize that you must tell them how you feel because it absolutely cannot wait.

So you decide to text them.

Then you wake up the next morning and read what you wrote through a sober lens. You may find humor in the recollections or you may feel untold shame at your conduct of the previous evening.

Regardless, you put yourself out there and declared your voice loud and clear. At least you can find a reprieve in that admission. This begs the question, however, why do we only send those texts that tell people how we really feel when we are drunk?

Associate professor of psychology at the University of Missouri Bruce Bartholow seems to have answered this question.

In a 2014 study, Bartholow found that alcohol caused people to stop caring about the potential negative results of their actions, essentially silencing the mental fire alarm we have that goes off when we make a mistake. 

Test subjects ingested alcohol and then completed an exercise forcing them to make mistakes. When compared to the control group, the experimental group was found to recognize their blunders, but they exhibited far less inhibition when it came to making those errors.

This cavalier attitude of the mind’s neurotic hindrances is easily observable, both in ourselves and in our inebriated companions.

The entire notion behind the act of drunk texting reveals a desire for catharsis and for change. We want to initiate a new step in a relationship, whether it is a testimonial of love or a declaration of hate. So long as we say what we feel, we find satisfaction.

But as Bartholow points out in his research, our sober minds keep us from following up on these desires. We are inundated with a mass of what-ifs, barring us from seeing the silver linings by only focusing on the “darker greys.”  

Alcohol nullifies these fears, forcing us to confront our own insecurities and to decide whether we will submit to them once more. Sometimes we come out of the situation having sent that text message or having made that phone call; we found ourselves desiring a change and we endeavored to manifest that change. 

People often say that drunk words are sober thoughts. I agree with this affirmation, but it is not to say that this is an absolute. Sober words can be sober thoughts. You just have to be willing to make peace with your desire for change. Otherwise, we will always be left with those questions of what could have been.

Lamron staff debate: “To peg or not to peg?”

In the Nov. 13, 2014 issue of The Lamron, the editorial board debated anal sex. Over two years later, we gather again to discuss the same topic—in a much different perspective. “Pegging” is a term to describe a female anally penetrating a male with a strap-on dildo. Made famous by a “Broad City” episode, pegging is highly intriguing due to the homosexual connotations of the act. While still not a household term, it signals a shift away from the classic gendered dominant-submissive structure of sex.

As a sexually adventurous endeavor, both parties involved can find pegging enjoyable. Males enjoy the sexual aspect of anal stimulation, while females enjoy the psychological aspect of “being on top,” in a different setting. There is nothing more dominant about sex than being the actual penetrator—something that females rarely get to experience.

Members of The Lamron staff all seemed hesitant of the idea at first. The group universally agreed that it is acceptable to be into pegging, but whether one would be willing to try it was another matter. The topic was divisive, yet it opened up a dialogue on the different comfort settings of each individual.

“Personally, pegging isn’t something I would be comfortable with,” managing editor Nicole Sheldon said. “But, to each their own.”

For males, many would not be all that willing to try for more socially conscious reasons—being penetrated can damage one’s masculinity or can even imply that one is gay.

“I feel like opposition to pegging partly comes from homophobia,” associate news editor Malachy Dempsey said. “I think it’s perfectly fine.”

Females can also feel uneasy about the idea as well, for both similar and different reasons than males.

“I think it’s a positive that women can have a new way of being dominant rather than the stereotypical submissive,” public relations manager Kimberly Ward said. “However, I do think that it’s a negative that most women probably won’t be as sexually satisfied through pegging.”

At this age, sexual experimentation is important in learning what you are and are not into. For some, pegging was just another thing to experiment with.

“I think you should try everything once,” public relations manager Caitlin Hamberger said. “I didn’t know that I was allergic to peanut butter until it almost killed me.”

Editor-in-chief Emma Bixler concurred with Hamberger’s position.

“I think sexual exploration is a good thing, and I wouldn’t be opposed if a guy asked me to do that to him,” she said. “If they are completely showered, I’m all for it.”

Design and layout editor Matt Heaton agreed with both Hamberger and Bixler. He, too, encouraged the idea of experimentation and had an open-minded stance on pegging.

“I would try literally anything, once,” Heaton said. “Or twice,” he added, “If I liked it.”

I believe anal, and therefore pegging, is something both women and men should be able to openly talk about and ask for if it is something that piques their interest. Anal stimulation is not exclusively enjoyable to only females and homosexual males.

For this exact reason, if a guy asks me to do anal, I will agree only if he allows me to peg him.

Maintaining your sex life over break

Holiday breaks provide a great test for your willpower. Between the stress of preparation, traveling and figuring out how to allocate the short time that you have with loved ones at home, there’s a lot of things on your mind. The state of your relationship may be one of them. After all, if your partner lives in Geneseo, it feels strange to leave them for break—especially for one as long as winter—because you’ve grown accustomed to having them around all the time. And what about your sex life, which will come to a screeching halt even when your desires do not?

Fortunately, your sex life doesn’t have to end because the semester does. There are ways to nourish it while on break—ways that might even bring you and your partner closer than regular sex would.

First, establish that your partner feels comfortable continuing your sex life while over break in order to prevent misunderstandings and hurt feelings. Afterward, determine what you will be comfortable doing. Discussing this is a great way to further learn what interests your partner sexually, which can later be used when you’re reunited.

There’s a wealth of activities you can engage in to satisfy your sex drive. The riskiest of these are probably the first that come to mind—sexting. Exchanging naked photos of yourself to your partner is satisfying in the moment, but it carries a lot of risk, especially if your partner saves the images.

You must always entertain the possibility that you might one day break up with your partner, no matter how unlikely it feels in the moment. Even a person that you would not expect to send your naked photos to others in revenge can surprise you, especially under the stress of a breakup.

If you choose to engage in this, consider using Snapchat to send your photos, which will send a notification if your partner screenshots the image. If you want to go a step further, download the app Bleep. Unlike Snapchat, the app’s server does not save anything after the recipient reads it, and screenshotting is impossible, which makes it good for sending sexual images.

Sexting, however, is not the only way to keep your sex life active. You could Skype or call one another, though these methods might be a bit loud, making them less than ideal for people in large families or small houses.

If set up right, though, Skyping or calling a partner is a more instantaneous form of sexual communication. It is also one that can be paired with masturbation or sex toys. Calling especially lends itself to guided masturbation, where one partner instructs the other as to how they should masturbate—usually through teasing them. This is also a good way to explore power roles in your relationship.

Whatever you choose to do, take it as an opportunity to learn about your partner. It will make your sex when you return to school all the more satisfying.

Genitalia stereotypes prompt gender disparities

Like everything else in our world, the concept as to what makes sex “good” for a person is largely socially constructed. Such social constructions tend to manifest around the genitals themselves, and Western society has laid out a clear set of expectations for them. In particular, Westerners concern themselves with the tightness of one’s vagina and the size of one’s penis. We have been taught that these characteristics are more than just physical—they can decide one’s worth as a human being. Consequently, these learned beliefs translate into our actions when choosing a partner.

Genitals supposedly say a lot about the personality of the person that they belong to. A larger penis, in the eyes of Western society, makes a person manlier, therefore making them more desirable. This idea is so prevalent that penis size was temporarily a focal point during the United States’ presidential candidacy debates.

In contrast, the concept of a tighter vagina being a sign of virginity makes a person more “pure.” “Manly” and “pure,” not surprisingly, correlate to the gender roles our society values in men and women.

From these beliefs rise gender disparities. Men and women alike believe that people who have “slept around” will have looser vaginas; subsequently, women who have had many partners face shame for it.

In reality, however, there are naturally looser vaginas and it is scientifically impossible for a vagina to become looser from having a lot of sex. The social consequence for having a “loose vagina” is not the same as those for having a small penis. People with small penises are often made out to be not “manly” enough for a woman.

Much more defense for smaller penises, however, exists than for inelastic vaginas. The term “size isn’t everything” is almost inseparable from our culture as a sexual defense and an innuendo. Furthermore, girls are commonly discouraged from judging men on size alone. After all, as society tends to cry, men have more to offer to women than just the size of their genitals.

Why this courtesy isn’t extended to women is directly correlated with sexism. Fortunately, however, it’s possible to stop perpetuating the “loose vagina” myth. Even just gently correcting your friends if they believe this can end the myth one step at a time.

No matter the characteristics of your partners’ genitals, that shouldn’t be what determines your enjoyment of sex. Take the time to research any preconceived notions you have about sex—you might be surprised what you discover.

Exploring sexuality through threesomes

Threesomes are a mysterious, taboo type of sex—but one that most people have thought about before. Fantasizing ourselves in a state of sexual euphoria, engaged in a moment of pure sexuality with two other people could be hard to resist. The threesome is a fairly liberal endeavor where one, in the hopes that they will respond in kind, must ask participants to open themselves both mentally and sexually to two other people. This motley crew of sexual beings can be any combination of genders: three males, two males and a female, two females and a male or three females. As long as one feels the desire and the drive to experience this new form of intimacy, nothing else matters.

Many people assume that males primarily fantasize about threesomes, but this is simply an idea that stems from the stereotype that associates men with perversion. The allure of a threesome does not extend from our innate sexual hunger—it stems from our desire for intimate connection.

In life, many seek companionship and relationships that can fulfill that desire. They can bring us close to a person who understands us, accepts us and helps us to grow as individuals.

The act of lovemaking embodies this. In The Big Lebowski, Maude Lebowski refers to sex as “the physical act of love,” which rings true in life. Sex allows you to share everything with a person. All of the troubles and anxieties fade away, and you are lost in each other, if only for a brief time.

Being with a person in such an intimate way is a tantalizing thought—the threesome is the next level up from that. You no longer share your love with one person, but with two. You are opening yourself up further and attempting to deepen the relationship that you share with your partners.

But with this added depth comes a certain anxiety. When bringing it up to your partner, there is a chance of miscommunication. Your partner may think that you are bored, dissatisfied or simply a pervert.

The best way to avoid this would be to develop a healthy, open sexual dialogue with your partner. With that in place, you two can have a mature discussion with each other in regard to a threesome.

When the time comes to do the dirty deed, jealousy is a significant possibility. One partner may become too invested or get cold feet in response to the introduction of another intimate partner.

That is the gamble, however, that comes with a threesome. You and your partner are putting yourselves out there, seeing if you can express your feelings in an even more potent manner. Your relationship may come out of the endeavor stronger than ever, but as a couple you will never know until you try it.

You just have to be willing to try something new.

A guide to safe role-play this Halloween

Autumn provides a great time not only for spicing up one’s coffee, but also one’s sex life. With the ubiquitous availability of costumes, October allows for the popular addition of role-play into many couples’ intercourse repertoires. For the curious, role-play is a type of sexual interaction in which persons take on a “role” outside of themselves, such as a police officer or a teacher. They engage in intercourse using these roles to enhance their experience. A police officer might “arrest” their partner, or a teacher might “punish” their partner sexually. It allows people to get creative and to act on fantasies that regular sex may not fulfill. While costumes aren’t a requirement, they add excitement and an alternate reality to the bedroom.

For some who entertain the thought of role-play, it dies as just that: a thought. Perhaps it is not witches and the bogeyman that scare us, but admitting to our partner that we are interested in something outside of our sexual norms.

If you are afraid of bringing up role-play to your partner, consider that you do not have to immediately come out and admit your interest. You can take small steps to breach the subject, such as mentioning that they would look attractive in a certain costume or that you find a particular role attractive. You know your partner best, so tailor your “baby steps” to their personality and temperament.

Eventually, though, you must mention your interest in role-play to your partner if you want to partake in it. Do not take their curiosity as consent. When it comes to sex, communication is paramount.

If you and your partner agree that role-play is something you would be interested in, but do not know how to progress, then you can talk about what types of situations you would potentially be interested in. This creates a great opportunity to learn about the other person more intimately.

You can even make a date out of your interest in role-play by going to a Halloween store together. If you’re on a tight budget, consider visiting stores post-Halloween to score clearance costumes.

Once you have your costumes, set up boundaries with your partner. Discussing how far you are willing to go and what is acceptable is vital to creating a safe, enjoyable experience. Safe words, phrases or signal words said during sex—which will indicate that a person isn’t comfortable with the current situation and wants it to stop—are popular techniques used to ensure a comfortable environment. Consider the green, yellow, red system. Green represents consent to the situation, yellow denotes a warning to proceed with caution and red symbolizes a demand to stop.

Additionally, research should be done on how to safely perform riskier sexual acts—such as bondage or choking—if you plan to incorporate them into your role-play. You don’t want to unintentionally injure your partner or make the situation uncomfortable.

Role-play can be a healthy way to navigate the previously unexplored fantasies that you and your partner have. It can change the entire chemistry of a sexual experience. Take it upon yourself to expose yourself to this world of sexual interaction: you might be surprised by what you discover.

On shifting circumcision trends, effects on sex

Throughout history, many religious and cultural traditions have dictated the necessity of male circumcision; over the past few decades, however, attitudes regarding circumcision in America have changed drastically. Although most men do not have a say in whether or not they keep their foreskin since doctors typically perform circumcision on newborns, the divisive procedure carries with it long-term implications for health and sex in adult life.

Since the 1960s, the rate of circumcision in the United States has dropped from 83 percent to approximately 77 percent in 2010. Reflecting a shift in opinion, the decline in circumcision rates indicates normalization of the belief that circumcision serves neither as a medical nor social function, and might amount to more of a disservice than a responsible parenting decision made at birth.

Examining the effects of circumcision on sexual activity reveals that circumcised men typically experience delayed orgasms, which some researchers attribute to decreased penile sensitivity. While there are many studies on the effects that circumcision have on the sex lives of males, only more recent studies have studied the effects on females’ sex lives.

Studies indicate increased documentation of sexual difficulty reported by women married to circumcised men—among the problems reported, achieving an orgasm presented itself as the forefront. Indeed, studies by the Danish research enterprise Statens Serum Institut’s Associate Professor Morten Frisch show that, when their male partner is not circumcised, women have reported they are twice as likely to experience an orgasm.

Combatting the increasingly popular opinion that circumcision fulfills no role in health, many medical doctors still maintain that circumcised men have a lesser chance of developing prostate and penile cancer, and the foreskin acts as an incubator for sexually transmitted diseases and inflammations. In giving such opinions, however, these doctors also commonly present alternatives to circumcision for cancer prevention such as wearing a condom and thoroughly washing after sex.

While employing condoms during sex can facilitate the prevention of contracting STDs for uncircumcised men, putting on and wearing a condom can present certain obstacles specific to uncircumcised men whose foreskin might ultimately push off the condom.

Despite circumcision serving neither a medical nor socially significant role, a stigma has developed against uncircumcised men, whom potential partners might perceive as lacking in personal hygiene or at a greater risk for contracting and spreading STDs.

While such stereotypes and misconceptions about men with foreskin can force them to feel more self-conscious than their circumcised counterparts during sex, these anachronistic stigmas have begun to slowly die away. If recent statistics bear any significance, then we can assume that the socially constructed assumption of circumcision’s necessity will soon decrease even further.

Circumcision is a procedure that has been motivated by both cultural and religious customs for hundreds of years. While some studies show that being uncircumcised can increase sexual pleasure, many are still under the impression that it is healthier to have a child circumcised. As the cultural implications around circumcision continue to change, we may soon find ourselves to be living in a country where uncircumcised penises are the norm.

Digital culture makes hooking up accessible

Our society is more connected now than it ever has been in the past. Never before have we possessed the ability to connect with people all over the world at our fingertips. As a result of this constant connection, we sometimes feel a fair amount of pressure to make such connections. This pressure especially displays itself in the way that our society views hooking up.

Text messaging, Tinder, Bumble and Grindr are a few of the easy and prevalent tools for finding hookups that are available to students. With all of these options, it has become almost expected to utilize them, and if you don’t use them then your chances of meeting people may diminish and you might feel left out.

While many people do still meet through face-to-face contact, it is becoming more and more common to find your match by simply swiping through a list of potential partners, scrolling through a webpage or talking to people in an online chat room. Making connections this way can feel as though no “real” connections are made at all. In essence, it can feel like attempting to make a connection in spite of a disconnection.

This disconnection can make you feel obligated to simply hook up with somebody, as opposed to first forming a deeper connection. After all, how can one make a proper romantic connection without really knowing their partner, especially when the immediate sexual option exists?

This gets to the heart of what drives certain technology to perpetuate hookup culture. These apps and websites offer the simple options—those easy, sexual encounters that make it seem too tiresome to pursue something more personal.

That isn’t to say that these are the only interactions created by these resources. Every person who uses them has a different idea of what they’re looking for. Furthermore, each person will get something different out of it.

There is always that pressure and expectation, however, to use Tinder, Bumble, and Grindr to find a new person to sleep with. Some people go along with the pressure, while others do not. Both options are completely fine, as everyone can pursue their own interests in whatever fashion they prefer.

To some people, though, the pressure to hookup can be too much. They may view the pressure as something to be avoided: something that can make you feel like a performer in a one-act play—one that will end with its two characters going their separate ways, never to talk again.

It takes being honest with oneself to successfully navigate the possibilities technological connections can offer. Dating apps can be both a platform to meet potential partners, or a recipe for a romantic disaster.

How to successfully navigate friends with benefits

The idea of having a friends with benefits relationship—two friends who have sex without a romantic relationship or commitment—can be very temping and convenient while in college. Due to the fact that students live away from their parents and in close proximity to many other people their age, friends with benefits relationships tend to be popular. In theory, a limited relationship involves having sex with one person while also staying single and having the freedom to have sex with other people at the same time. Friends with benefits are more reliable than a hookup, but less reliable than a significant other. While this may sound like a good idea, these friendships oftentimes do not work.

Having friends with benefits comes with one small detail that everyone tends to forget about when first jumping into one of these relationships—you spend a chunk of time with someone that you find physically attractive. This aspect heightens the probability of developing feelings for this person.

While feelings are not always necessarily a bad thing, friendships involving sex can get messy if the other person does not reciprocate those feelings. Sex does not by any means always have to be serious; people generally use it to connect and as a result display feelings of love. Two people need to take this into consideration when deciding to become friends with benefits.

Just like any other relationship—whether romantic or platonic—communication is key for people participating in friends with benefits relationships. In order for these relationships to work, both parties must openly discuss their expectations for the relationship and set concrete ground rules before a bad situation occurs and feelings get hurt.

Some important things to discuss in a friends with benefits relationship include whether or not both parties will engage in sex with other people or just each other, whether they have any interest in hanging out in addition to having sex and whether they have feelings for one another at the moment.

By ensuring that each party understands the other’s desires and expectations, both people are completely aware of what they sign up for when it comes to their friends with benefits relationship. In addition, setting some ground rules helps make for a successful friends with benefits relationship.

Lastly, it is important to practice safe sex in any relationship, whether it be a one-night stand, a romantic relationship or a friend with benefits. Many times, a friends with benefits relationship is non-exclusive. Having sex with more than one person increases the likelihood of spreading sexually transmitted diseases, which makes protection and communication integral to maintaining your own personal health.

Though friends with benefits can come with many risks, STDs and unplanned pregnancies aren’t the type of risks you should take. Many friends with benefits relationships do not end well, so remaining cautious is how you can protect yourself.

It’s encouraged to ask what your partner expects out of the friends with benefits relationship. But, most importantly, don’t be afraid to tell them what you expect as well.

Let’s talk about sex...toys

Millions of people use sex toys, most of whom do not classify themselves as “sexual gurus” or “deviants.” According to 2016 data research by Statistic Brain, sex toys are a $15 billion industry. Contrary to some peoples’ beliefs, it is completely normal to be interested in using sex toys for pleasure. For 18 years of my life, the sex shop next to the local bagel store remained a constant. It never moved, never modernized. The old sign that simply read “Adult”—one must admire their tact—never went out, even through Hurricane Sandy. It survived two separate drunk driving incidents in which the impaired driver sailed through the shopping center it called home. I questioned it as a child.

But when I hit puberty, those questions morphed into a singular judgment—the customers of this sex shop were freaks. How dare they blatantly buy dildos and strap-ons? How dare they be so confident? And how dare I not be one of them?

Only after years of wrongly viewing human sexuality as a male-dominated sphere did I begin to understand the appeal of sex toys. When I recognized that sex had the power to be a positive force in a person’s life, my foolishness left me feeling ashamed of how judgmental I was.

I then decided that those same sex toys I once saw as delinquent were for those who embraced sexuality, lived it and breathed it. I figured I was just not one of those people and that I would forever stay on the outside looking in on their world over a poppy seed bagel.

In truth, mystery shouldn’t surround toys—especially with the convenience of the Internet. Literally anyone can buy and use any toy that their heart desires, all only a click away on Amazon. Anyone who wishes to become educated on the matter can with a simple Google search, where one will find many informative articles—I suggest “The Shame Free Guide to Buying a Sex Toy” published by the Huffington Post.

Additionally, toys do not have to be used alone or, in other words, they should not be considered something you use when you can’t get a date. While you should not be embarrassed to use a toy when single, toys aren’t restricted to solo use.

Talk to your partner. If they’re concerned about not sexually satisfying you enough, assure them that a toy cannot give affection or even come close to replacing a human—it just heightens the experience.

You might be surprised what you learn from one another. And if you are alone there’s no harm in amplifying your one-on-one time. Never feel ashamed for loving your own body. It’s the only one you’ve got—so make it happy.

Spice up your sex life this semester

It seems that many college students mark the new semester as a fresh start to a clean slate. Students promise themselves that they’ll make the Dean’s List, go to the gym more than twice a week or try new things when it comes to sex. It’s not actually a bad idea to safely experiment—not only can it relieve stress, but it also can be fun. Many students find that they are intrigued by the idea of trying novel sexual concepts, but have no idea where to start. One of the easier ways to experiment sexually is to bring new flavors to the bedroom. Changing up condoms can actually spice up one’s love life, in addition to promoting safe sex.

From texture to taste, a large variety of condoms exist. Partners can try different flavors together—maybe vanilla is the flavor for you when it comes to sex. One can also try different styles of the condoms, as ribbed condoms may bring a fresh sensation to that ‘same old same old’ vibe one gets from regular condoms. Spend a little more time in the condom aisle next time and see what strikes your fancy.

Furthermore, students should look at other things that interest them when brainstorming for new ideas. For example, roleplaying is widely recommended around campuses. When it comes to roleplay, find something that both you and your significant other like, and work from there. Many people might find the idea childish, weird or outside their comfort zone, but who knows, you might learn something about yourself or even gain a new level of trust in a relationship through roleplaying.

Defining your comfort zone before you start is vital so that your partner is keenly aware of how far you are comfortable going. Always remember to take your partner’s comfort level into consideration when trying new things in the bedroom, as well.

Another way students can spice up things sexually is through Kama Sutra. Despite the relative popularity of Kama Sutra, which has been around for years, many people have yet to use it. The practice brings sex and yoga together to make the activities more interesting. And hey, you can even burn a few calories while you’re at it.

Students can research Kama Sutra online to find the inspiration they’re looking for. Cosmopolitan published multiple articles regarding the topic, which also includes links to great lists. To add even more variety, you and your partner can both initiate a few new poses to try.

Don’t forget that Kama Sutra can be very strenuous. It’s important to remain aware of your limits when giving it an attempt. Don’t attempt to try a position that makes you worry that you may hurt yourself and regret stepping out of your comfort zone in the morning. There can be too much of a great thing.

Overall, when experimenting and starting this semester off with a “bang,” keep in mind that it’s OK to be open to trying new things—all while never forgetting to establish you and your partner’s comfort zones and to stay safe.

Parting the Red Sea: the benefits of period sex

Period sex is a form of sex that is considered taboo, along with certain other sexual behaviors, such as anal sex. Period sex, however, is considered taboo for different reasons. Bleeding while having sex can be messy and considered gross by both partners.

Furthermore, “red wings” is a term to describe being eaten out while on your period—something that many are very reluctant to do. While it’s safe to say that period sex has a pretty negative connotation, it should not be this way. Most women have their period for an entire week once a month—a considerable amount of time for a dry-spell if a woman happens to have a lot of casual sex. Menstruation should not inhibit sexual activity, whether it be for a male or female.

The main issue people have with period sex is the messiness of the process. If a woman has sex during the heaviest day of her period, it’s likely that the surface she had sex on will look like a murder scene afterward. There is a quick solution to this, however. Putting down a towel before sex can eliminate the mess that period sex causes. Wearing a condom can also prevent a man’s penis from getting bloody—in addition to being a safe sex practice. By taking extra precautions before engaging in period sex, the act does not have to be messy. 

Having sex while on your period can actually be beneficial in terms of sensation. Periods are Mother Nature’s natural lubricant—blood can help assist sex when a female has a problem with being too dry. In addition to this, progesterone levels drop before and during a female’s period, increasing the sex drive during this time. Period sex is often incredible due to this increase in sex drive. By getting over the initial shock of bleeding during sex, the experience may prove to be even better than usual.

In addition to an improved sexual experience, period sex can actually alleviate period cramps and shorten the length of a period. Female orgasms result in uterine contractions, which expel blood and uterine lining at a faster rate. Orgasms also flush out compounds that cause cramping during periods.

It’s always important to use precautions when having sex, though, whether or not a menstrual cycle is involved. Studies show that the chances of getting pregnant when having sex on your period are very unlikely—although there is a chance, nonetheless. Wearing condoms helps prevent pregnancy and can help to avert sexually transmitted diseases—something that you are more likely to catch when you are on your period. Period sex should not be used as an excuse to practice unsafe sex. While the stakes of getting pregnant may be lower, it’s important to remember that sexually transmitted diseases are still transmissible.

Period sex has the potential to be extremely enjoyable and beneficial to one’s health if both sexual partners are willing to tolerate the mess. It’s something that more people should break out of their comfort zone for and try, as long as the sex is safe and consensual.