As we enter a new decade and progress into adulthood, the pressure to find a life partner becomes more prominent. Society makes us believe we must be in a relationship to live a happy, fulfilled life. We struggle to accept, however, the fact that there are multiple lifestyle options and they don’t all require being codependent.
In a society that fosters independence and individualism, we should accept the lifestyle decision of being happily single—or “self-partnered.” Feminist Emma Watson coined the term when describing her relationship status in an interview with Vogue. Like many other single individuals in their 20s, Watson initially felt obligated to strive for a relationship. She ultimately decided to dedicate her time, energy and love to herself via a self-partnership.
A disheartening number of individuals struggle with self-love. All too often, people judge themselves based on how they believe others perceive them. They place too much importance on the approval of others, such as a significant other, that they don’t know how to appreciate themselves on their own terms.
A study in Australia reported that only 4 percent of women considered themselves beautiful, according to The Daily Mail. Another study showed that only 30 percent of girls consider themselves “good enough.” If more people entered a self-partnership and practiced self-love, I’m sure these percentages would skyrocket.
On the topic of self-partnering, clinical psychologist Carla Marie Manly said, “[it] focuses on the idea of being happy and complete as a solo individual,” according to NBC. This doesn’t necessarily mean that a self-partnered individual is opposed to relationships with others. They may still be open to it but will enter relationships with the healthy mindset that they are complete on their own.
Many people rely too much on their significant others, either emotionally or financially, which can leave them feeling lost and helpless if they find themselves single in the future. Being self-partnered can help them learn self-sufficiency, which can come in handy both in and out of relationships. Manly asserted, “A self-partnered person would feel whole and fulfilled within the self and does not feel compelled to seek fulfillment through having another person as a partner.”
Being happily self-partnered does not just magically happen. One must work on themselves in order to achieve this. Doing so requires self-exploration and self-care, which can take plenty of time and effort. However, deciding to value oneself as much as they would a significant other is the first step in this challenging, yet rewarding process.
It’s remarkably unhealthy to view a partner as someone who “completes” you, as this would imply you are “incomplete” without them. Why is it so radical to believe a person can be whole on their own? The next time a family member, friend or any other member of the community questions your choice to be single, remind them that being self-partnered is a liberating lifestyle that everyone should consider.
Aliyha Gill is an English and psychology double major junior who is unhappily self-partnered.