Disclaimer: Keep in mind that I am not an expert in attachment styles, nor is it possible to explain the psychology behind them in a few paragraphs, so only use this article as a place to start your attachment style education. You can learn more about John Bowlby’s theory of attachment styles here.
Astrology: it can tell you a lot about a person, like how they handle trust, intimacy and emotions. But when you have to take a person’s sun, moon and rising signs as well as the current position of the planets into consideration, it’s tricky to get the full picture. You know what else can tell you all those things without needing to know whether or not Mercury is in Retrograde? Attachment styles!
Attachment styles are formed based on how a person and their primary caregiver interact in the earliest stages of their childhood. Whether their caregiver is attentive, negligent or inconsistent will permanently affect how a person copes with their emotions and relationships throughout their adult life. They say a lot about what kind of partner a person will be in a relationship.
Here’s a rundown of the attachment styles: People with secure attachment styles are prone to intimacy and they perceive others as prone to intimacy as well. They seek and expect trust in relationships. Even after a breakup, they’re likely to focus on the good times in their relationships. This allows them to be open to new relationships in the near future.
People with avoidant attachment styles are untrusting of themselves and others. They’re skeptical of everyone and less prone to intimacy. This makes them prone to jealousy, so they will most likely question their partner’s whereabouts. They’ll have their partner’s flaws readily available because this helps them keep an emotional distance from the relationship. Avoidants will sabotage their own relationships when it starts to get too intimate because they get scared and seek ways to get their partner to break up with them.
People with anxious-ambivalent attachment styles will often need constant affirmation, which will make them come off as clingy. This causes them to give more in relationships than they get back. They tend to lack self-confidence and are more prone to intimacy than others. They also perceive others as unreliable and untrustworthy. Anxious-ambivalents always consider the probability of someone disappointing them, so they have trouble being comfortable and feeling secure in relationships. Additionally, strong physicality in relationships such as PDA makes them feel connected since it sends a signal to the public that they’re together.
So now you see how much attachment styles can reveal about a person, but how about their compatibility with others? Astrology might be able to tell you which zodiac signs are the best together, but so can attachment styles! Let’s look at the stats: Relationships with at least one secure-attachment partner are the most common pairing, partly because they make up the greatest percentage of the population. Two avoidants are common since they don’t really clash and are both understanding of one another’s skepticism and standoffishness. They’re both comfortable with low levels of intimacy and have very clear boundaries. The least common pairing is two anxious-ambivalents, likely because these relationships are hard and unhealthy to sustain. Being so involved with each other takes up their finite resources, so anxious-ambivalents don’t have much time for anything else.
Sure, astrology might lead you to similar conclusions, but the fact of the matter is that astrology is likely coincidental, whereas there is actual science behind the psychology of attachment styles. Plus, you don’t have to take nearly as many factors into consideration with attachment styles, since there are only four variations instead of at least 12 zodiac variations (not even including a person’s complete chart).
So, the next time you meet someone new, instead of asking them what their zodiac sign is, ask them intrusive questions about their early childhood! See whether their primary caregiver was present or not and try to figure out their attachment style. You’ll have a much better idea of their past traumas and how this affects how they act in relationships.