CAS announces controversial price increase on grilled cheese sandwiches

Campus Auxiliary Services (CAS) has announced in a recent press release that they are raising the price of their grilled cheese sandwiches at all dining halls to $13.95 from its previous steal of $3.95.

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Tulsi Patel, criminal mastermind?!

Advertising Manager, Tulsi Patel, was fired from her position at The Lamron this week, after Student Association leadership stepped in and removed Patel for embezzlement.

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Star Editor in Chief let go after scuffle with the Office of Sustainability

Editor-in-Chief Julia Skeval was fired from her position on The Lamron last Wednesday. Skeval had published an article clearly defaming another Geneseo student and intern from the Office of Sustainability.

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WTF why did W.C. Hoag get fired from The Lamron?!

In an unfortunate turn of events, The Lamron was forced to fire writer and Copy Editor W.C. Hoag on Wednesday April 29 to avoid an expensive lawsuit and other worse things. Ironically, the paper’s successful “WTF” column—pioneered and continued weekly by Hoag for the Arts and Entertainment section—was the writer’s definitive downfall.

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Sports Editor fired due to boomer energy and clementine addiction

The Lamron’s Sports Editor Alexandros Anton was sadly—we’re saying that for professionalism—fired from the team after a string of unfortunate events in which Anton’s cynicism and contempt for “the man” brought him down.

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Geneseo administration attributes on average increase in GPA to Milne library closure

According to a press release from Geneseo administration, this semester is on track to have the highest student grades seen in the past decade. In the press release, President Denise Battles attributed it to the Geneseo student body and the closure of Milne Library.

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Hate being around your significant other? We’ve got the solution for you!

When social distancing began, many couples were separated from each other, which many worried would cause strain on their relationships, but it turns out Zoom™ relationships are the way to go!

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Geneseo enrollment plummets amidst the rise of Zoom University

On March 13 Geneseo students packed their bags and left campus indefinitely two months before the official end of the semester. These students seemed to silently come to a consensus about not returning to campus after spring break. Instead, they’ve decided to enroll in online classes at Zoom University so they could get their degree from the comfort of their own homes.

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Walt, thanks friend

Personally, I cannot wait until the crapture, when our lord and savior Walter Elias Disney will awaken from his cryogenically-frozen slumber to liberate the world from our COVID-19-induced prisons. Every night I pray to Walt, begging the benevolent architect of the entertainment world as we know it to come claim what is his—which is to say, everything.

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Denny’s to become new, school-sanctioned study space

After months of speculation and focus groups, the Geneseo administration has finally announced a new official 24-hour study space to replace Milne Library: Denny’s Restaurant in the town of Geneseo.

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